my brother-in-law opened the bottom drawer of my sister's bureau and lifted out a tissue-wrapped package. “this”, he said, "is not a slip. this is lingerie." he discarded the tissue and handed me the slip.

妹夫打开了妹妹衣柜最底层抽屉，拿出一个用薄纸裹着的小包。“这个，”他说，“不是衬裙，是件内衣。”他把薄纸去掉，递给了我那件内衣。

it was exquisite, silk, handmade and trimmed with a cobweb of lace. the price tag with an astronomical figure on it was still attached.

它很精致、丝质、手工缝制，周围有一圈密密的花边。上面还有价签，价签上的数字高得惊人。

"jan bought this the first time we went to new york, at least 8 or 9 years ago. she never wore it. she was saving it for a special occasion.

“这是我们第一次去纽约时简买的，至少已是八、九年前的事了。她从没有穿过它。她在为一个特殊的场合珍藏着它。”

well, i guess this is the occasion.

唉，我想现在便是那特殊的场合了。

he took the slip from me and put it on the bed, with the other clothes we were taking to the mortician. his hands lingered on the soft material for a moment, then he slammed the drawer shut and turned to me. "don't ever save anything for a special occasion. every day you' re alive is a special occasion.".

妹夫从我手中拿过内衣放在床上，和其它我们要带给殡仪人员的衣服放在一起。他的手在那柔软的丝织品上抚摸了一会儿，随即砰然关上抽屉，转身对我说：“不要把任何东西留给什么特殊场合。每天你活着就是一个特殊的场合。”

i remembered those words through the funeral and the days that followed when i helped him and my niece attend to all the sad chores that follow an unexpected death. i thought about them on the plane returning to california from the midwestern town where my sister's family lives. i thought about all the things that she hadn't seen or heard or done. i thought about the things that she had done without realizing that they were special.

这两句话久久在我耳边回响着，伴我度过了葬礼和帮妹夫、侄女处理妹妹意外死亡后的伤心后事的那几天。我从中西部某城妹妹家乘飞机返回加利福尼亚州时还在想这两句话。我想到妹妹从没看过、听过或做过的事。我想到她做过的，但未曾意识到其特殊性的事情。

i'm still thinking about his words, and they've changed the weeds in the garden. i'm spending more time with my family and friends and less time in committee meetings. whenever possible, life should be a pattern of experience to savour, not endure. i'm trying to recognize these moment now and cherish them.

我还在想着妹夫说过的那两句话，正是这两句话帮我理清了思绪。我要花更多的时间与家人和朋友在一起，少花些时间在那些委员会会议上。无论何时，生活应该是去品尝而非忍受。我要认识到并珍惜现在的时光。

i'm not “saving" anything; we use our good china and crystal for every special. event such as losing a pound, getting the sink unstopped, the first camellia blossom… i wear my good blazer to the market if i fee1 like it. my theory is if i look prosperous, i can shell out $28. 49 for one small bag of groceries without wincing. i'm not saving my good perfume for special parties; clerks in hardware stores and tellers in banks have noses that function as well as my party going friends.

我不再去“珍藏”任何东西；我们为每一特殊事件享用我们精美的瓷器和水晶制品，比如说当体重减了一磅的时候，当厨房水槽通畅了的时候，当第一朵山茶花绽放的时候……如果我想穿，我就穿上我鲜艳的外衣去市场购物。我的理论是如果我看上去还富足的话，我可以毫不心疼地为一小袋食品付出28.49美元。我不再为特殊的晚会而珍藏我上好的香水；五金商店售货员和银行出纳员们的嗅觉和我晚会上朋友们的一样灵敏。

"someday" and “one of these days" are losing their grip on my vocabulary. if it's worth seeing or hearing or doing, i want to see and hear and do it now. i' m not sure what my sister would've done had she know that she wouldn't be here for the tomorrow we all take for granted.

“有朝一日”和“某一天”这样的字眼正从我的常用词汇中淡出。如果值得去看、去听或去做，我当即就要去看、去听或去做。我不清楚假如妹妹知道她不会有大家都认为不成问题的明天了，她会做些什么。

i think she would have called family members and a few close friends. she might have called a few former friends to apologize, and mend fences for past squabbles. i like to think she would have gone out for a chinese dinner, her favorite food. i'm guessing. i'll never know.

我想她会给家人和几位密友打电话。她可能还会给几位昔日朋友打电话主动道歉，摒弃前嫌。我想她可能会外出吃顿她喜欢的中式餐。我只是猜想而已。我永远也不会知道。

it's those little things left undone that would make me angry if i knew that my hours were limited. angry because i put off seeing good friends whom i was going to get in touch with someday. angry because i hadn't written certain letters that i intended to write one of these days. angry and sorry that i didn't tell my husband and daughter often enough how much i truly love them.

假如我知道我的时间不多了，那些没来得及做的小事会让我恼火。恼火是因为我一拖再拖没能去看看我想某一天去联系的好友们。恼火是因为我还没有写出我打算这一两天要写的信。恼火与内疚是因为我没能更经常地告诉我的丈夫和女儿我是多么真切地爱他们。

i'm trying very hard not to put off hold back, or save anything that would add laughter and luster to our lives. and every morning when i open my eyes, i tell myself that every day, every minute, every breath truly, is... a gift from god.

我正努力不再拖延、保留或珍藏那些能给我们生活带来欢笑和光彩的东西。每天清晨当我睁开双眼，我便告诉自己每一天、每一分钟、每一瞬间都真是……上帝赐予的礼物。

你所拥有的而非你想得到的

in over a dozen years as a stress consultant, one of the most pervasive and destructive mental tendencies i’ve seen is that of focusing on what we want instead of what we have. it doesn’t seem to make any difference how much we have; we just keep expanding our list of desires, which guarantees we will remain dissatisfied. the mind-set that says “i’ll be happy when this desire is fulfilled” is the same mind-set that will repeat itself once that desire is met.

在作压力咨询顾问这十几年期间，我所见到的最为普遍最具毁灭性的心理趋向，就是专注于我们想要得到的而非我们所拥有的。我们到底拥有多少似乎并不重要；我们只是一味地扩展我们的欲望单，而这就注定我们永远不会满足。“这一欲望得到满足后我就会幸福”——这种心态在该欲望真的满足后又会有。

a friend of ours closed escrow on his new home on a sunday. the very next time we saw him he was talking about his next house that was going to be even bigger! he isn’t alone. most of us do the very same thing. we want this or that. if we don’t get what we want we keep thinking about all that we don’t have—and we remain dissatisfied. if we do get what we want, we simply recreate the same thinking in our new circumstances. so, despite getting what we want, we still remain unhappy. happiness can’t be found when we are yearning for new desires.

我们的一位朋友于某个星期天履行完他新房子的契约。就在我们再次见到他时，他大谈他下一栋更大的房子！他这样的人并不罕见。我们大多数人做着类似的事情。我们要这要那，如果我们没有得到自己想要的，便不住地想我们没有的——于是我们就老是不满。可如果我们真地得到了自己想要的、又会在新的情况下抱同样的想法。于是，尽管我们得到了自己想要的，我们依然不快活。当我们不断渴求新的欲望时，幸福无法驻留我们的心间。

luckily, there is way to be happy. it involves changing the emphasis of our thinking from what we want to what we have. rather than wishing your spouse was different, try thinking about your salary, be grateful that you have a job. rather than wishing you were able to take a vacation to hawaii, think of how much fun you have had close to home. the list of possibilities is endless! each time you notice yourself falling into the “i wish life were different” trap, back off and start over. take a breath and remember all that you have to be grateful. when you focus not on what you want, but on what you have, you end up getting more of what you want anyway. if you focus on the good qualities of your spouse, she'll be more 1oving. if you are grateful for your job rather than complaining about it, you'll do a better job, be more productive, and probably end up getting a raise anyway. if you focus on. ways to enjoy yourself around home rather than waiting to enjoy yourself in hawaii, you'll end up having more fun. if you ever do get to hawaii, you'll be in the habit of enjoying yourself. and, if by some chance you don't, you'll have a great life anyway.

幸运的是，有一种办法能让我们幸福，这便是把我们考虑的重点从我们想要得到的转到我们所拥有的。与其希望你的配偶应该怎样怎样，不妨想想她可爱的品质。与其抱怨你的薪水，不妨感激你有一份工作。与其希望你能够去夏威夷度假，不妨想想你在家门口已找到了多少乐趣。这种可能性的单子是列不完的！每当你发现自己陷入“我多么希望生活是另一番景象”这一陷阱时，赶紧抽身重新想一想，吸一口气，记住你所拥有的，这样心里就会感激。你如果注重你所拥有的而非你想要得到的，你最终得到的比你想要的要多。如果你注重的是你配偶的良好品质，她会更加温柔体贴。如果你对你的工作心存感激而非一味抱怨，你会做得更好，更有成果，或许最终也会加薪。如果你琢磨的是如何在家门口玩得开心，而非等着去夏威夷玩儿，你最终会得到更多的乐趣。如果你真能去成夏威夷，那么你就已经很会玩儿个痛快了。即使由于某些原因你没能去成，你的生活依然是丰富多彩的。

make a note to yourself to start thinking more about what you have than what you want. if you do, your life will start appearing much better than before. for perhaps the first time in your life, you'll know what it means to feel satisfied.

记住要开始多想想自己拥有的而不是自己渴求的。如果你做到的话，你的生活就会显得比以往要美好得多。也许这是生平第一次，但你会领悟到心满意足的意义。